Turning Fantasy into Reality

Is it a problem that I can find sex in almost any situation? A fellow blogger who has commented on my recent post Exclusive Fuck Buddies? has lured me away from our flirtatious banter on the comment feed to emailing.

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Well, before I went to email him, I spent some time evaluating his blog, The Devil’s Hornet, further and reading and rereading some of his posts. I have been reading his work for some time now as it appears in my reader, and many times, even before this comment banter, I have found myself wet from his poetry and short stories. A huge turn on. I looked at his profile closer to find we both live in Chicago. Coincidence? Maybe. But I took that as my cue to change this banter about helping him write a fantasy to turning this fantasy into a reality. I’m intrigued to see if he can eat and fuck me as good as he describes in his writing. I sent him this:

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He responded with two fantasies. Both hot. We emailed back and forth about his fantasies and introduced ourselves some and sent a photo to one another. He’s in his late 20s, very attractive, and definitely has potential. I agreed to meet up with him and gave him my kik. We will be meeting Monday for coffee and then plan on making these fantasies come to life. It is always hot when a guy has a way with words, he is no exception, and his fantasies written about us meeting have gotten me extra hot and bothered.

As both of our blogs are very sexual, I’m interested in seeing the juxtaposition of my very blunt real portrayal of what happens between us compared to his romanticized erotic poetic version. We will see if they have any similarities or if our writing is just so different that our encounter lives two completely different stories.

Not to change this from something sexy to something a bit more serious… but am I crazy for agreeing to meet someone (with a high potential of fucking) I met in the comments of my blog? I remember when meeting someone online was taboo and catfishing and the horror stories of people being raped and murdered from meeting someone online. The thought has crossed my mind a few times since emailing him, but I have met numerous people from online dating sites, so I am not really all that concerned. Crossing my fingers that this encounter is everything J. Reed and I have discussed and more.

I will fill you in on all the dirty details after I meet him Monday.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Exclusive Fuck Buddies?

Not long after Neighbor Boy fulfilled his duties for the first night of The Convenient Oral Agreement, he pushed negotiations on condom use, cum shots, and opened discussions for being exclusive fuck buddies…. Never have I ever heard any situation where fuck buddies are exclusive. Is this even possible?

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Before you even ask, the answer is no, I don’t allow him to fuck me without a condom. That would be stupid. We are both fucking other people and in no way have become “exclusive fuck buddies.” But that being said, this conversation, along with a few similar conversations we have had since, got me thinking about terms of casual relationships.

Facials… really boys? And why do guys always push to fuck without condoms? Is it possible to fuck someone exclusively without being in a relationship? Or can fuck buddies be a “priority” for condomless sex? If two people agreed to be “exclusive fuck buddies,” how is that different from being in a monogamous relationship?

What the fuck is an exclusive fuck buddy?

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

The Convenient Oral Agreement

For the first several weeks (he will still do this sometimes) Neighbor Boy messaged me to negotiate the terms of our FWB. He has asked what I’m willing to do, what I like, and what he can expect from our arrangement. I never would have thought that this type of communication and negotiation would be necessary in a FWB situation, I usually just let things play out and let the terms unfold over time, but somehow this has worked for us. Because of this, not only were we aware that this was a sexual arrangement between neighbors, but we knew from the start what that meant for us.

The gray area that comes with the beginning of a new relationship came briefly at the start, but left just as quick. It was all of this conversing that created this mutual understanding from the get go.

One of my favorite clauses of our arrangement has to be convenient oral sex. This is something we came up with early on. Neighbor Boy was asking what to expect from our sessions. He was wondering if every time had to be an entire evening or if quickies could be on the agenda. During this, he then proceeded to inquire about blow jobs, and the rest is history.

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Just like that, convenient oral was born. He said he’d be home around 6:30pm or so. I had plans at 9pm, so this would work perfectly. He told me to have my vibe and anal beads on standby, tonight was all about me. He was running late (something I expect of him almost always now). You would think an hour should be plenty of time, but I have a very complex vulva and depending on your style, it could take a while to crack until you learn my body well… This was his first time really delving into eating me. He ate me briefly before, but not a full blown attempt. The later he was running, the less time there was for him to make me cum and I was eager to see what he had going for him.

As 7pm passed. Now over a half hour late, I texted him to see where his ass was. He explained he was just getting home from work and would be up shortly. He came up around 7:30, giving us about 45 minutes until I had to get dressed and ready to head out for the evening. Once again, you would think this is plenty of time, but I have a very tricky clit. Unfortunately for me, my clit is quite small and recessed pretty high under my clitoral hood. On top of this, direct clitoral stimulation is what really does it for me, which is one of the main reasons I got my vertical clitoral hood pierced.

When he came up, he sat next to me on my bed. Neither of us made a move right away. There was kind of an awkward pause. Even though we had already fucked and there was this ongoing dialogue about what we expected from our sexual relationship, this pause got me a bit anxious. I have fucked and have had my pussy eaten numerous times before by various guys in a variety of situations and have gotten over that nervous first time phase and into this confident stride with every guy I’ve interacted with the past couple years. But somehow, this very instance, a few sexual encounters into our budding relationship, I felt vulnerable.

To break the silence, I asked, “What toys did you want me to grab?”

He confirmed, “Your favorite vibe and anal beads.”

I got up, grabbed the toys out of my dresser, and made my way back to bed setting the toys along side us. The awkwardness subsided some, but there was still some slight fumbling. He went in to kiss me. This eased everything a bit more, and as the kiss prolonged, he started to strip me naked, rubbing his hands down my back and grabbing my ass. His full lips pulled away from mine as he worked his kisses down my neck, grazing my collar bone, and tease my nipples with his tongue.

Laying me down, he spent some time on my nipples as he worked his hands on my inner thigh. He then sat up, grabbed the vibe, and started to rub it on my clit and teasing my vagina, watching my face in anticipation. I smirked, and told him, “Add some lube.”

Confused, he questioned me, “You’re soaking wet though.”

I grabbed the toy from him and explained, “I know, but silicone, no matter how wet I am, feels better with lube. It makes it slide in and out much easier and takes away any potential friction.” I then rubbed the toy against his skin to show him how the toy almost pulls on your skin due to friction, added some lube and showed him how slick it became.

I handed the vibe back to him to let him play some more. The toy was an Ina Lelo vibe. Not necessarily the optimal pussy eating vibe, but he insisted I grabbed my favorite vibe so I did. Being a classier rabbit style vibe (it’s more sleek and doesn’t have the “cute” rabbit ears), it’s a duo motor vibe for g-spot and clit stimulation.

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Well as he started to insert it, I instantly jumped back, “Ummmm… that part isn’t meant for my ass! That’s a clit vibe.”

“Sorry, my bad.” He corrected the vibe, and we continued.

As he slid the vibe in and out and rubbed it against my clit, I started to ease into it more. He then went back to kissing my nipples as the toy worked it’s magic some more. I stopped him, “I love my toy, but wasn’t this supposed to be convenient oral?”

He looked up at me and pulled out the vibe, “Turn around and get on all fours.”

I smirked and obeyed. He kissed my back and worked his way down my ass cheek to my inner thighs, then licked my pussy from behind. A very hot move, not a go-to for me, but hot nonetheless. I leaned forward and let him lick and suck on my lips for a few minutes. He then demanded, “Now sit on my face.”

I let out a slight giggle, “Ok, but if you want me to cum, you’re best bet is to have me on my back, something about being able to fully relax brings my orgasms out easier.”

“Just do it,” he insisted as he repositioned himself to lay down.

I listened, swung my leg over his face, placing my clit on his mouth, and pressed my arms against the wall, using it as a prop to push against as I rode his face. His tongue slid up and down between my inner lips. As I pushed my hips back, his tongue would circle above and below my clit pushing my piercing side to side, directly stimulating my clit. When I pulled my hips forward, his tongue would barely graze the entrance of my vagina. Back and forward I moved my hips and let his tongue explore my soaking wet pussy.

Several minutes of riding his face was enough. As hot as it was, I still knew this would not get me to cum.  I rolled over, swinging my leg over his body, and laid down, “I’m not cumming by riding your face.”

“Fine,” he agreed, “Where are the anal beads?”

I handed them to him with lube. As he squeezed out some lube on his hand and slathered it on the toy, I gave him instructions, “I don’t know how much anal play experience you have, but with beads, for me, they aren’t an aggressive in and out toy. Insert, twist and turn a little, maybe pull out slowly and reinsert some, but nothing too excessive. That is until the end… pro tip, as I’m cumming pull the beads out.”

He was a bit cocky, “I’ve done plenty of butt stuff, don’t worry.” His lack of knowledge on my vibrator had me a bit doubtful, but he has shown quite a bit of skill with his tongue, so I let him get to work. He slowly inserted it bead by bead; every bead larger than the one before gave me a slight tinge of pleasure.

As the last bead was inserted, he looked up at me, smiled, then slowly brought his mouth to my clit, licking it, playing with my piercing with his tongue, and making intense eye contact for several long seconds. It has become apparent, he is one of those guys that loves to watch a girl react to everything he does. Although this adds more vulnerability, it was kind of hot.

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With one hand, he played slightly with the beads, the other hand he grabbed my vibe and slowly moved it in and out with the clit vibe rubbing side to side beneath his tongue as he ate me. This was a fucking mind blowing trifecta of pleasure going on. All the stimulation was super hot, but my vulnerability from before kicked in again. I knew how eager he was to please me and that intense stare, although hot, pulled my head away from the action and into a headspace where I was thinking more about his eagerness to please me and overthinking my orgasm.

Everything he was doing was so fucking good, but I needed to snap out of my thoughts. I threw the pillow from under my head aside, leaned my head back, and closed my eyes. Deep breaths in and out, refocussing my thoughts on every flick of his tongue on my clit, the beads in my ass, and the vibe in my vagina.

Inhale, one, two, three, four. Exhale, one, two, three, four. Repeat.

As my mind cleared, my hands started to go numb, then my forearms, then my feet. This was one of the most prolonged orgasm I’ve had. Everything was tingling awaiting a full body release. Literally minutes of numbness and my body still didn’t succumb. It was almost too much stimulation.

I kicked the arm that was controlling the vibe, “Take it out.”

He listened. As the vibe came out, the numbness turned to a tingling sensation, my breathing got heavier, my back arched, a feeling of ecstasy took over. I felt my orgasm coming, “Pull the beads out now!”

As he pulled the beads, tongue still on my clit, my orgasm released, my vagina contracted, and my entire body tensed up with pleasure. Once I came down from that high, I pulled him up from between my legs and kissed him, still catching my breath. “That was fucking hot.”

He then got up, but as he did, I pulled on his hand to sit him back on the bed. Although I had plans, I wanted him so fucking bad. I wanted to blow him and fuck him all night. I went to reach down his pants to grab his cock, he pushed away my hand, “Tonight was just for you, convenient oral at it’s finest. I will get mine soon.”

He wouldn’t let me. I kept trying and he kept pushing me away even though he was rock hard. “I do like how much you want to blow me though,” He added as he got up again to leave. I got up and kissed him, pushing my naked body against his, lingered for a moment, and then let him out.

I looked at the time, it was 9:15pm, I was already late for my plans. I hurried up and got dressed and booked it to the bar.

Convenient oral. Best term to our agreement yet.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

Location, location, location

A couple days of messaging after my first sexual encounter with Neighbor Boy, we flirted a bunch and then the convenience has been revealed. It’s as easy as saying “I want to fuck” and within minutes Neighbor Boy could be in my room. As for our first time fucking, he initiated by telling me he wants to fuck me when he gets home. Easy as that…. but because I have a uterus, my period decided to interfere.

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He seemed unsure. Like he said period sex was fine, but also hesitant. Then the way he approached telling me that he wanted to fuck and what he wanted to do; at the moment it was a turn off. It also threw me off guard that he was literally negotiating what we were going to do in bed that evening. It was different, and he still does it from time to time, but I’ve learned to enjoy it and it even becomes more like foreplay. A combination of discussing sex to come and sexting.

Lucky for him, my late period didn’t actually start like I thought it did. It was more of pre period spotting that went away shortly after I messaged him that, so he dodged having period sex the first time he fucked me.

The sex was hot. Although he was hesitant because I thought I was getting my period, he still ate me some, played with my vibe, and put in a good amount of effort trying to get me off. I didn’t cum, I rarely cum the first go, but it kept me intrigued and wanting more.

Our boundaries were still a bit blurred. We agreed to have a fuck buddy/friends with benefits situation. I like kissing still, he doesn’t because it’s “too intimate.” Although kissing is too intimate, he likes cuddling? That confuses the fuck out of me. That first night we fucked, he spent the night and cuddled me. It was nice, but weird at the same time.

Every relationship is different. I’ve casually dated and had fuck boys before, some boys like to kiss and cuddle, others don’t. Some like sleep overs, some don’t. I personally like all of the above (sleeping has limits though, snoring and anything that may prevent me from sleeping will send me packing).

This arrangement is unique. I thought having a fuck buddy one floor beneath me would be complicated and messy, I was wrong. It has been very hot and just thinking about the endless possibilities is a huge turn on. It’s easy enough to call him up whenever I want. We even have a convenient oral sex agreement (more on this later). He has his rules, I have mine. We both comply and push boundaries and learn about one another’s sexual desires.

If we want a quickie, there’s no need for dialogue or drinks or hanging out, we can text and within moments we can be fucking, finish, and go on to our separate apartments. If we want a sleep over, it can happen (snoring permitted). And when he does start snoring, I can kick him out if he’s at my place or just up and leave if I’m at his. One flight of stairs, the shortest commute ever. It really has been the most convenient sexual arrangement I’ve had (minus living with my ex boyfriend).

What makes an ideal fuck buddy?  Location, location, location. This was the start of a good arrangement with the downstairs Neighbor Boy and I was very excited for more to come with him.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

Proceeding with Caution

The morning after my encounter with Drunk Neighbor Boy, I woke up early to drive up to the campsite to meet up with my family. Shortly after I got there, he messaged me to apologize for his drunkness and to thank me for coming to his birthday party. Our banter was on point. He asked if he made an ass of himself, I poked fun at all of his ramblings of me being attractive.

It didn’t take too long for him to ask me out. I agreed. He then tried to see if we could hang out that day. I told him I was out of town for the next few days and would be back Tuesday. Without even asking, he then declared that Wednesday we would hang out. Lucky for him I was free.

Wednesday rolled around. No word from him since the morning after his party when I agreed to hang out with him. Now it was getting close to 6:30pm and I haven’t heard from him. I should have just canceled on him, made him think twice before being inconsiderate and not confirming or actually coming up a plan. Alas, I was intrigued by the fact that he lived downstairs and those possibilities, so I messaged him:

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His mention of telling me to wear shorts or tight jeans was a red flag. Who the fuck thinks it’s ok to tell a woman what to wear like that? I still give him shit to this day about it and he still tries to say it was a joke. In spite of his jeans comment, I wore a dress, and not a dress that was revealing. It was just above knee length, t-dress with a high neck line so absolutely no cleavage.

Anyways, after all this, I was starving, he was dragging ass, it was about 9pm by the time he was finally ready. My friend was still chilling, but she was about to head out, I told him to meet me out front in five because I was walking my friend to her car. He agreed. After walking her to her car and then walking back to the front door, I waited. He wasn’t there. I messaged him to hurry his ass up. A few minutes later he finally got his shit together and came out. I instantly gave him shit for his behavior, he apologized but insisted it was a joke.

We walked to DMK burger down the street. On our walk and during dinner we flirted, asked some basic questions to get to know each other, and discussed our expectations. I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship, he agreed. We kind of hit it off now that we understood that we were both interested in casual sex, but I did tell him I would have to proceed with caution.

As we continued this conversation and walked back to our building, he asked more about what I mean with proceeding with caution. I explained to him that because he is my downstairs neighbor, obviously there are times we will run into each other with other people or if one of us catches feelings and the other doesn’t, things can get weird. He assured me that he would be totally fine and that if he saw me with some dude, he would smile at me and we would keep walking. He even threw in there that he would high five the dude or something which made me laugh.

We got back to our building, I invited him up to my floor for a drink. He accepted. We went directly to the bar and I made us each a whiskey ginger. We made our way up to the roof and kept chatting a bit more about our expectations. He explained his thought process, saying that it would be cool to have a fuck buddy that lives right upstairs. I agreed and it definitely felt like we were on the same page. We then started to discuss some of our sexual styles and kinks. We seemed to understand what the other wanted quite well.

He finished his drink and set it down. I took the last sip of mine, and that is when he went in to kiss me, drink cup still in my hand, I felt around to set my cup down, then wrapped my arms around him and kissed him more. The kiss was hot, not quite my style, but still enticing. He rubbed his hands down my back to my ass to grab it. Obviously an ass guy. He then went to lift my dress. I stopped him.

I kept telling him I’m proceeding with caution and I still can’t be sure if him being downstairs is too close to home. He kept insisting that it would work out just fine. I then joked and said, “You might not be any good.”

He laughed and then proceeded to tell me, “You might not be any good,” and then added, “I can show you and then you can show me your skills.”

I laughed, “Hmmmm, maybe…”

Neighbor boy pushed, “Let me eat you, even just for 60 seconds, to give you a taste of what I can do.”

I laughed, “Tempting. But I’m still being cautious.”

He persisted, “Just 60 seconds so I can show you and then you can show me.”

I bit my lip, thinking about how hot it would be, but also hesitant still, “I have yet to have oral or fuck on the roof…”

“So bend over and let me eat you.” He pressed.

“Fine.” I agreed, slid off my underwear, and looked at him, wanting him to give me direction.

“Turn around and bend over.” He asserted.

I listened and bent over, hands on the ledge. He came up behind me, kissed my neck, and bent me over further, my body now pressed on the ledge, he worked his way down and lifted my dress and ate me from behind for a few minutes. Something about being on the roof looking down at the sidewalk was both frightening and a huge turn on. At any moment, someone from the building could try to come up to smoke or someone could see us from across the street. I was getting into more than expected and his oral skills almost met the hype he gave himself.

He stopped, I turned around and kissed him and unzipped him as we made out, grabbing and teasing his dick. Once I got him all worked up, I worked my way down to kneel to blow him. I took him in and out of my mouth, looking up at him enjoying every bit of it. After a minute or two, I pulled away and stood back up.

“Why are you stopping?” He asked.

“You gave me some, and I gave you your 60 seconds and then some, now I’m done.” I explained.

“Don’t stop, let me eat you some more…”

“Ok, but not over the ledge.” I agreed, as much as it was hot, I also have a minor fear of heights.

He took off his shirt and laid it down on the surface of the roof  a bit further back from the front and told me to lay down. He began to eat me for a brief moment, then asked about 69. I agreed. He laid down, I kissed him, then worked my way down towards his cock and straddled his face. This lasted several minutes. It was hot, I was enjoying it, but I also knew at that moment there was no way I would cum from it. I was excited about the possibilities with Neighbor Boy, but wasn’t in a rush to test him out fully that night. I unmounted his face and continued to blow him a few minutes longer then stopped. I worked my way back up to his lips, gave him a kiss, and then stood up to grab my underwear from the front of the roof.

“Really?” He asked.

“I’m not gonna cum like this, I’ll probably go in and grab my vibe…”

“I like watching.” He tried.

I laughed, “There will be plenty more chances for that, but right now, I’m good. You gave me some and you got some.”

He pulled up his pants, zipped up, and put his shirt back on. We made our way back to my apartment. I walked him to the door, kissed him goodbye and went to my room to take my vibe out.

I wasn’t sure what to expect going into tonight, but I am glad he and I were upfront and discussed our expectations right away. This type of arrangements rarely work, even if the two people don’t live in the same building. I still wasn’t sure if it could work, but I was excited to see where things went. The next day he messaged me:

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The endless conversations we’ve had via messenger since this evening have been very open and honest. We’ve both inquired about our experiences, our likes and dislikes, inform if/when we’re sleeping with other people, and have discussions to make sure the other is satisfied with our sex. This is definitely different than most fuck buddies I’ve had, but I like it. It helps inform our sex and shapes our expectations of one another. It’s been good and proves how important communication is especially when sex is involved. More on communication and it’s imporatance another time.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Note to Self: Quit Bad Sex

Jay… Jay was a boy from Tinder. We matched back in July during my short stint back on the app. We had some good flirty banter on the app, he asked for my number, and we continued to text. He begged to meet me for a few weeks and when I finally agreed, he failed. The first time he tried to arrange to meet up with me, he claimed work was running late asking to meet at 11pm instead of 8pm so I canceled because I had to be up early the next day. The next time he tried to hang out, it was pouring out, so he then asked for a rain check, I agreed. Third time, supposedly a friend of his got in a car accident… Maybe it was true, but hard to tell when this is his third cancelation. I let it slide.

The day after his third cancelation, we finally met up. We went to a beercade and played some old school games. Beercades are my go-to for meeting guys if they fail at making plans. It means I get to play games instead of dragging out all the first date interview questions over drinks. It was fine. He was cute, confident, but a bit short and thin for my liking.

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After the beercade, we took a walk. We talked some more and he stopped me mid sentence, turned, pulled me in and kissed me and said, “I’ve been wanting to do that all night.” He is that guy that will say all the things he thinks you want to hear so he can fuck you. I knew that’s what he was trying to do, it was pretty obvious just by the texts before even meeting him. It was a good kiss; it even turned me on a bit. Overall, his charm was turning me on, but I could tell he would only be a one night fuck and nothing more.

On our walk, we went to another bar for one more drink… at least that was the plan. The bar we ended up at was doing karaoke night. I’m not one for karaoke. I hate feeling like I’m being put on the spot, especially unprepared. Jay demanded we both do a song. I reluctantly agreed. He ended up doing a Backstreet Boys song, I did The Joker by Steve Miller Band. He did fine, I failed. It was fun seeing him up there, but I was miserable doing it even though he tried to be a good audience by being up front and center singing along with me.

Once we finished singing, we went back to our booth. I was relieved that part of the night was over. We laughed a bit and made fun of each other’s performances. There was a break in our laugher, Jay went in to kiss me and we began making out. A song or two went by and our kissing got heavier and he got more and more touchy. This was the moment to either end the night or go somewhere to fuck.

After some flirty discussion between the two of us arguing who’s place to go to, we agreed to go to mine being that it was closer. When we got to my place, we went to my bar. I made us each a drink, then we took them up to the roof. Hardly a sip in, we were back at it, making out. As he moved from my lips to my neck to kissing my cleavage, I let out a coy giggle and told him to slow down or at least let me finish my drink.

He stopped, and took a sip of his drink. He then asked me what turns me on. I got to the point and told him all my kinks; ropes, cuffs, restraints, biting, hair pulling, nipple torture, tease and denial… His jaw dropped. He insisted he could be everything I wanted in bed. He told me he would tie me up and eat me and fuck me hard. I let out a slight giggle, thinking to myself that he thinks he can, but I knew already that he wouldn’t be able to deliver what I want. It’s not too hard to tell what a guy is like in bed based off of what he says and the way he carries himself. I could tell Jay was all talk from the start, the guy that thinks he’s all that but probably can’t hold up to the game he talks.

Alas, although I was aware of what he was trying to do, I was bored and horny. If he thinks he can tie me up and eat me the way I want to be eaten, let the games begin. We finished our drinks and made it back down from the roof and to my bedroom. When we got to my room, we started off slow, making out on the edge of my bed. He’s a fine kisser. Nothing spectacular, but not sloppy. He got a little handsy, but it seemed as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands, just put them in places. His lack of dominance showed, so I took control. I got up, pushed him back on the bed, and then straddled him.

As things heated up, I took off his shirt, then took off my dress. I kissed down his neck, to his nipples, down his abs, and teased him just above his pants. I then got up, leaving him rock hard on my bed. I grabbed my rope, threw it at him, and told him to tie me up and eat me and fuck me hard like he said he would. He grabbed the rope, looked at me, looked at the rope, and seemed unsure of what to do.

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I then directed him a little. To make it easy, I told him to just tie my hands together and then secure the rope to the bed frame. He took the direction, but stumbled the whole way. It was pretty obvious he never tied anyone up. After a few minutes of trying to figure out how to tie me up successfully, he finally got it. He then went straight into eating me. It’s hot when a guy eats me, yes, but part of the fun of being tied up is the tease and denial and losing that control of what’s to come.

As he ate me, he did alright with his tongue, but was very light with it. He had poor technique with his fingers. Like he would put them in and just keep them in one place instead of doing any type of come hither motion or swirling or even in and out. So basically he was a weak tongue with two dead fingers. Not good. I spoke up like I do and told him to use more pressure with his tongue and I thrusted my hips to help him understand the motion I need with his fingers. He kind of picked up on it, and was doing better for a minute, but then slowly drifted back to his light tongue and motionless fingers.

I got bored of his oral skills. The knots he tied weren’t all that tight, so I squirmed my hands out of the rope and took control yet again. I grabbed a condom, put it on his dick, and rode him. It only took the length of a song to finish. He came. I didn’t. I would usually keep things going either orally or getting him worked up again to fuck, but at this point, it wasn’t worth it. There was no way in hell Jay could get me off.

We both fell asleep and in the morning, when my alarm went off, I showered and left him in my bed. Once I got back to my room, he was sitting there already fully clothed. I walked him to the door, he told me he had a good time, I giggled and let him out. He tried to get ahold of me a few times since, but I just ignored him.

I don’t know why I put myself in these situations. I go on dates with guys and even once I already know that shit can’t go anywhere and that the guy isn’t going to deliver, I keep going along with it. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt or something. I want to see if they can fuck me well even if it’s just for one night. But it’s those guys, the guys that I know I will only fuck once before even fucking them, that end up being a waste of sex. I need to be better about turning down guys earlier in the night.

Note to self: quit bad sex, go home and take out my vibe; it always does a better job anyways.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Of course we meet again…

A little over a month ago, my roommates’ band had a show. I try to go to every show I can, so my friend Jackie and I rushed there after dinner with another friend who was visiting from out of town. When we arrived, I told the door guy I didn’t have any cash for the cover but I would go to the ATM as soon as their band was over because they are my roommates and I absolutely needed to see them. He took my word and let me in. We made it to my roommates’ band’s last two songs, but regardless, we made it.

After their set, I asked one of my roommates to spot me $5 so I didn’t have to go down the street to get cash. He gave me a five and right as I got to the front door to pay the cover, Chase walked in. I haven’t seen him in almost a month and I gave up on him since his “Hopefully…” disappearing act. It was kind of awkward at first. I said hi and gave him a hug. Him and his friend Myles came and hung out with Jackie and I for several minutes to make small talk. Chase was kind of quiet, which is unusual for him. It was basically a conversation with the three of us (Jackie, Myles, and myself) with Chase on the sideline. The next band started. We kind of split up at that point.

The night continues, in between each band, most of the crowd would go to the back porch to cool off. When you’re in a space with 100 people on a hot summer night, fresh air is definitely necessary. Well while outside, my friends and I sat near the window, not long after we sat, Chase and Myles came out. They stood about 5 feet in front of us, but faced away from us. As my friends and I were talking, Chase kept turning towards me to make a funny face and I would make one back… This is something we would do when we were still consistently seeing each other.

The next band started. Everyone filed back to the stage. Once this band ended, everyone went back outside. It was already midnight and I had work the next morning. I said my goodbyes to my roommates and friends. As I hugged everyone, there was an instance I caught Chase looking my way. To not make things awkward, I went over and told him I had to head out, but we should hang out sometime soon and gave him a hug…. but his tone of voice when he said “Ok, bye” made it seem like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me anymore and I was fine with that.

A few nights later, I got a 2am text. It was Chase asking if I was awake.

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He came over. We fucked, but the sex was missing something. We both really weren’t into it anymore and it was apparent because of the lack of enthusiasm either of us had while fucking. I don’t even think either of us came that night. I haven’t seen or talked to Chase since. I’m sure I will run into him again at some show somewhere down the line being that he’s a musician. I don’t think I care anymore though.

That’s the thing, with Chase, we never really discussed what either of us were expecting. At first it seemed like it was headed towards a relationship, then when I came back from NYC he seemed more casual, but then things got weird because he got all in his head and disappeared.

Navigating sex and romance can be like going on a road trip with no map. You might have a destination in mind, but with pit stops, bumps, and sometimes wrong turns, you might not get there. If you have the right mindset, though, you can still make the trip fun along the way.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tinder Douche #2

Tinder Douche texted me the very next day to inform me how he couldn’t wait to nap. I wore him out. I threw it in his face that I slept till 1pm. There was some back and forth flirty banter, but he obviously was more interested in me than I was him. If it was up to me, I would have never seen him again. The sex was pretty good, but him as a person was forgettable, but alas, I was bored and the sex was good enough to keep him around if he’s hitting me up. We texted back and forth for the next two days and he finally caved. He needed me.

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It was obviously a booty call. It was nearly 1am. He has been drinking and in the suburbs dying of boredom. He was trying to tell me he needs an excuse to leave. I told him he could make some shit up and just leave, he’s an adult, he can do whatever he wants. He was then trying to tell me that he wants the excuse to be me, he really wanted to see me right at that moment. He begged and said he would pick me up and drive me home, and begged some more until I said yes. At the moment, it was cute. Looking back, it was pathetic.

On his drive back to the city, there was a car accident. To show me that he wasn’t lying or some shit like that, he decided to facetime me while he was driving. What a dumbass!? Either way, he showed me that the cars were up in flames and he was stuck in traffic because of it. I wasn’t too concerned, he would get there whenever he got there.

At about 2:15am, he picked me up. I don’t know why I agreed to let him pick me up. I should have just drove myself and met him at his place. But that is how life goes, you make decisions and shit happens. As we pulled up to his apartment, he bitched about the lack of parking. All I could think is how he lives in Chicago, and even the cherry to top it, he lives in Lakeview, of course parking is tough to find. Stop your bitching and get over it.

He parked his car about three blocks down from his apartment and on our walk, he wouldn’t stop his complaining about the parking situation. Oh my god, I wanted to shoot myself. This little prick is so fucking annoying and somehow I decided to hang out with him again. On the outside, I faked it. I faked it so hard and put a smile on and said “Sorry, this does suck,” to get him to shut up about the parking. On the inside, I was cussing him out, telling him to get the fuck over it because this is how shit is in the city, sorry if you just moved here a few weeks earlier. Boo fucking hoo that you can’t find parking right in front of your apartment.

We got to his place, he went straight to the kitchen and told me to have a seat in the living room and he was grabbing water. I assumed he would get me a glass too because he asked if I was thirsty and I said yes, but he walked in with just one glass which he was hogging. OK? So I spoke up and grabbed the glass from him and drank the water I had asked for in the first place.

He turned on ESPN… Once again, I was annoyed. I spoke up again and told him I didn’t agree to come over so he could catch up on the sports highlights while I just sit there. He apologized for being inconsiderate, then he surprised me by bringing up art. At first I thought he was being genuine and actually interested when he asked about my opinion about some art that was up for auction at Sotheby’s, but I quickly realized he is a complete imbecile. He was trying to argue with me about how a child could paint the paintings that were up for auction and he couldn’t understand what was so significant about the work even when I schooled him with some art history. His only response once I shut him down was, “Well, that’s not my problem.” Which made absolutely no sense.

I should have left then, but I didn’t. Sometimes I wonder why I make myself suffer. Once the art argument dissipated, we went to his bedroom. He quickly went in to kiss me and the night quickly escalated. All this pent up anger and aggravation I had towards him made the sex more aggressive and hot. He pulled my hair and kissed my neck and stripped me naked and bit my nipples and played with my clitoral hood ring. He was in control and very dominant, a huge turn on despite the overall tone of the night so far.

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He then stripped himself down naked, I quickly noticed he had shave since I saw him last. Not only did he shave his dick bald, he shaved his entire chest. Huge turn off, but I was letting it slide because he quickly plunged his face between my thighs and took his mouth to my clit. And this is where he lost me even more. He had no clue what he was doing with his mouth. I literally had to tell him not to bite my piercing. How can he be so good with his fingers and suck with his mouth? On top of it, once I got him to chill with the chomping on my vulva, he got to a decent licking, but nothing spectacular, he didn’t use his fingers at all. I told him to add his fingers and he seemed confused, like how could someone finger and eat pussy at the same time?

Once I got him to add his fingers, things seemed to be kind of better, but hardly comparable to what my expectations were for him based on his other skills. Maybe five minutes has gone by, and that might be exaggerating, before he gave up. He came up and gave me a “suck my dick because I just ate your pussy look.” I looked at him and told him his job wasn’t done. He then told me, “You’re lucky I just ate you that long, I rarely eat pussy.”

No fucking shit. Of course he doesn’t eat pussy. That explains a lot, and now you’re expecting me to suck your dick? I told him to get back down there if he expects me to suck his dick. He then asked if we could 69 instead. I reluctantly agreed. He was doing somewhat better, but he also kept getting sidetracked by what I was doing and kept trying to push his head aside so he can watch me blow him. I was getting no where and I wasn’t about to let him get off without hardly doing shit for me, so I stopped, rolled over, and told him to grab a condom.

He bitched about that too, telling me he was so close to cumming. I told him he’s lucky I’m still even there, then he stopped his complaining and grabbed a condom. Once again, he fucked me hard. Pulled my hair. Spanked my ass. Pinned me down. Pinched and bit my nipples. Played with my clit. It was hot. I was close. I flipped us over, told him to sit on the edge of the bed, facing away from him, I placed my hands on his knees, and sat on his cock, sliding him into my vagina. I pulled his fingers to my clit, and his other hand up to my nipples to pinch them as I rode him hard. I came. He came. We both came.

I got up, and laid down on his bed as he took off the condom and cleaned up. He then laid next to me and said he was getting tired. I looked at him, and said “Ok? So give me a ride home.” He then said “Not my problem, sounds like a you problem. Catch an Uber home or something.” I cussed him out and told him if he wasn’t giving me a ride home, I could have driven myself. Not that it was that far of an Uber ride or anything, but the ass really had some nerve.

He then proceeded to tell me to leave. I got dressed, went to the bathroom, and when I got out, he was introducing me to his roommate. His roommate looked me up and down and asked Tinder Douche, “So this is the hot bartender you told me about?” as if I wasn’t even there. Tinder Douche continued this side conversation with his roommate right in front of me and told him, “Yea, she’s pretty good in bed… too bad she wouldn’t finish blowing me.”

I then told him off right in front of his roommate, “First of all, you fucking suck at eating pussy. Secondly, grow your fucking body hair. Trim it, don’t fucking shave it. You look like a prepubescent boy and your entire body felt like sandpaper rubbing against me. Thirdly…” This rant of mine continued for a good minute or two.

His response, “Not my problem, sounds like a you problem.”

I didn’t say anything after that. I grabbed my purse and walked out and called a Lyft. A couple minutes later, as I stood there waiting for my ride, Tinder Douche walked out to apologize. He tried to comfort me and tried to kiss me. I was beyond my limits, and pushed him away and called him a fucking asshole. He then kept trying to say he was just fucking with me because he knows I can talk shit and hold my own. I ignored him. He kept talking at me and luckily this only lasted a minute because my Lyft driver pulled up. I walked towards the car, he grabbed my hand, I looked back angrily and pulled my hand away.

As soon as I was in the Lyft, I was relieved to be on my way home. That was a night from hell, and I was glad to be done with Tinder Douche. Not long after I left, he texted:

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He didn’t respond to that text. His next text to me was an emoji crying and a gun, which I thought was him saying he was committing suicide as a dark response to me chewing him out, but I guess he was trying to say he was tired? Either way, I told him he could crash and burn like the cars he saw on the way to picking me up. Dark? Yes. Sorry. But Tinder Douche is dead to me.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

 

Tinder Douche

As I told you already, I redownloaded Tinder again briefly Thursday, July 7. It was about 9:30pm. Well within a half hour, I had a dozen matches, and several messages. One guy in particular held pretty good conversation, at least played along with my banter. I tend to dissect what people say and twist their words in a playful manner to start a flirtatious argument.

For the sake of this blog, he doesn’t need a name. He was a blip in my sexual life, so this guy will only be known as Tinder Douche. Well Tinder Douche started out fun and light via messaging. At one point, he said he’s not looking to date, so I jokingly told him, “I completely understand, I’m on here for strictly platonic friends too.” He was terrible on his defense, and said “No, I’m just not looking to date, but I also don’t want a one night stand.” So basically, he was passive aggressively trying to see if I would be down for a casual sex/fuck buddy type thing. I responded with, “Are you sure you aren’t telling me you aren’t looking for a one night stand so I let my guard down and fuck you the first time we meet? I’ve got my eye on you.”

I thought it was funny how hard he tried to say he wasn’t looking for a one night stand, but he also wouldn’t admit to wanting a fuck buddy, but also said he didn’t want to date. He was getting so worked up every time I twisted what he said. He eventually ended it with, “I like your style. You can really talk some shit.” Our flirtatious messaging went on until about 11:15pm when he messaged saying “Instead of messaging for the entire hour, we could have met up.” I shot it back at him, “Well isn’t it past your bedtime?” He quickly responded to tell me he could stay up till 3am tonight. I agreed to meet up with him for drinks at a bar near me. I told him to text when he got close.

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He texted when he was parking. I walked down and saw him by his car. We went into the bar, he ordered a beer and I got my usual, Jameson Mule. He seemed nice, a little bit bro-y, but not too much to send me running out the door. Aside from being nice with a dash of bro, nothing really stood out to me. We were at the bar for a little over an hour when they started last call.

Tinder Douche said he still had two hours before he needed to go to bed, so he’s open to going somewhere else. Being that I lived a few buildings over, I offered my place because I have a bar and rooftop. He declined because he didn’t want any chance of my roommates being around. He then offered his place and promised he would give me a ride home at 3am. I agreed and we drove to his.

We went to his kitchen, he poured us each a drink and we continued to talk. I noticed right away that his kitchen wasn’t your typical 24-year-old boys’ kitchen. It was pretty clean. The entire apartment was clean. He also told me how he knows how to cook. I was impressed.

Although he wasn’t my type romantically (he’s a bit too white suburban bro), he was still cute, nice, and had some redeeming qualities. At the moment, I was intrigued. I could see him being a good lay, but I’m unsure of how far I would take it or how long he’d be in the picture because he definitely isn’t my type.

After we both finished our drinks, he suggested that we could watch a movie or something in his room. I laughed, no one really watches a movie when they’re hanging out with a guy from Tinder. They don’t call it Netflix and chill because people actually watch movies. I was hesitant, but intrigued enough, so I agreed.

We went to his room and sat on his bed. He started scrolling through the TV guide and found a movie on HBO. We sat back, talked briefly, but he went quickly in to kiss me. His kisses were surprisingly full for a guy with thin lips, but being that his lips weren’t the fullest and his facial hair was well past a 5 o’clock shadow, it was nearly like having sandpaper rubbing against my face. Not fun. I pulled back and told him to be careful, he got the picture and kissed me lighter.

As things picked up, it got a bit more hot and heavy. He kissed down my neck and unzipped my jeans, pulling them off as he continued to kiss me. He then lifted my shirt off and unclipped my bra. He was pretty slick with his maneuvers, I’ll give him that. He reached down with his hand, and massaged my clit. I was in clit tease heaven at this point. Not many guys can get the right pressure on my clit that quick, but he managed to do so.

Prior to this, there had been no discussion of our kinks or desires. He either had the exact same sex style as me, or he knew exactly how to read my body as I reacted to whatever he was doing. He nailed the pressure on my clit. Then he went in to my nipples, started gently  rubbing them with his fingers, then built up the pressure into some squeezing and pinching, then went in and bit my nipples. I never told him I like my nipples bit, but he figured it out anyways. It was hot.

Soon enough, his magic on my clit and nipples had me worked up. He had me soaking wet. He knew I couldn’t resist at this point, he looked at me wanting me to want him. I paused, I was so turned on at this point, so fuck it. I told him to grab a condom and we fucked hard. I wasn’t expecting him to pull my hair the way I liked it, or to pin me down and restrain me, or to rub my clit or bite my nipples the way he did as we fucked…. but he did it pretty damn well. Some guys just fuck me the way I want it; he surprised me, nothing stood out earlier in the night, but he sure can fuck.

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He came. I didn’t. He got me so close to cumming, but alas, something about the first time rarely gets me there. I have a wall up that has to be penetrated before I trust a guy to show him how vulnerable I can be and unleash my orgasm. As we laid there naked for a few minutes, I saw the time. 3:20am. I told him it was past his bedtime and he should give me a ride home.

Once he dropped me off, I walked up my four flights of stairs, got ready for bed, and passed the fuck out. He was fun, if only I kept it at just one night, he might have not gotten the name Tinder Douche.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Threesome? A tale of two dicks…

So during my brief time on OKC, I met a dude (Dick #1) that was super hot and I was totally down for something casual, so I gave him my number. Once we got texting, he proceeded to ask about my sex history, and then asked if I have ever had a threesome. I haven’t, and it is something I really am interested in, so I told him I would be open to it. He quickly jumped in saying that we should have a threesome eventually. Eventually is the key word.

Well that eventually, to me, insinuated that we would meet first, probably fuck, and then discuss a threesome at a later date. No. At least that’s not what that meant to him. He texted his friend and told him about me. I went along with it because frankly, both guys were cute, so why not?

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Dick #1 gave Dick #2 my phone number… Wtf dude?

Dick #1 gave Dick #2 my number without my permission. I still continued to text both of them, but to my understanding still, I was going to meet Dick #1 first before meeting Dick #2. So over a few days, both of them texted me, and I was honest with both of them and answered every question they asked. I enjoy talking about sex and have nothing to hide.

Well Dick #2 kept asking questions like “What is the wildest thing you’ve done?” I told him about when I met Tampa Boy (Red Flags Equal Fun) and he even asked for the full story. I didn’t have time to really text out the dirty details, so I sent him a link to my blog. At this point, I really didn’t care if they were aware of my blog, they’re both down to fuck and have a threesome, I’m sure the blog wouldn’t phase them. At least that’s what I thought…

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Dick #2 got upset that I wanted to meet Dick #1 first. Boo fucking hoo.

We texted all weekend, and then today Dick #2 asked to arrange a time to meet me. I was honest, and told him I had to meet Dick #1 first because he is who I chose to meet from OKC, and Dick #2 is just a third in the mix. Dick #2 got pissed, but at this point, he should have just been ok with it, after all, I haven’t met Dick #1 yet.

As soon as Dick #2 got pissed, Dick #1 texted me to tell me I’m pathetic because they are basically attached at the hip or something. You can read the whole conversation below…

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Dick #1 called me pathetic. Priceless. Really, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Now I’ve come to three different conclusions:

  1. Dick #1 was really just trying to get Dick #2 laid and neither really wanted to have a threesome.
  2. Dick #2 has two phone numbers, set up a fake OKC account for Dick #1 with some hot ass photos to lure chicks in and then was texting as Dick #1 to get himself laid.
  3. Dicks #1 and #2 both got too into my blog and saw my post (Incredulous OKCupid Douche) from yesterday, now they think I’m “flakey” so they both decided to pull out of the threesome.

Either way, lesson, don’t agree to a threesome with someone you haven’t met in person yet. Also, I should really stop sharing my blog with guys I plan on fucking. Lastly, there’s some fucked up people out there, you might be getting catfished, be careful ladies.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

P.S. I’m sorry to those who come to read about my real life encounters, these douchebags from OKC needed a story of their own apparently. I promise, there are several encounters in the works that I’m writing from the past couple weeks, I just need to finish them and edit.