To all my fellow bloggers and lovely followers, would you read The Boys I Encounter––the book? Are there any posts that you found most intriguing? Any that you would omit? If you have any advice or insight that may help, it would be much appreciated.
I have always thought that when I could afford to put more time into The Boys I Encounter, I would like to turn it into a book, but I also have been dealing with a lot of personal issues since the beginning of 2017 and the dust is finally starting to settle (Fingers crossed).
I have about 71,000 words written for my blog which is basically enough to write a novel… That being said, for the people who have followed my blog from the start, obviously there would be a lot of rewriting to better intersect everything into a complete ongoing story and I would also need to fill in the gaps and finish what has remained unwritten. However, sharing my story to a larger audience would be beneficial, not just to myself, but also to young women starting to explore sex and to survivors of sexual abuse.
Now––as tension about sexual assault and the #MeToo movement is stronger than ever due to the Kavanaugh accusations––I have been reflecting on my experiences and traumas. The book will follow me through my childhood curiosities, teenage hormones, a more thorough explanation of the sexually and emotionally abusive relationships I’ve endured, the aftermath of rediscovering myself, navigating casual sex post abuse, and how all the boys I encountered helped reshape how I interpret healthy sexual and romantic relationships.
If you’re reading this and you’re in an abusive relationship, know that it is never too late to escape. I know from personal experience that it may seem impossible, it may seem that you are trapped, it may seem like there is a silver lining that never comes; I’ve lived it. There is no reason for someone to hold such power over you. You are your own person. Take control of your life and remove yourself from the situation before it gets worse.
I know I’ve been a bad girl and haven’t posted in forever until last night’s No Tinder, Two Tinder Dates. I’m sorry, not sorry, always sorry…. shit. Life just kind of happened and there was a lot of ups and downs and I think it’s all finally leveling out. I’m gonna do my best to get you all caught up, I’ve got a list of about 20 posts to come, so brace yourself. If they seem lacking at all, it’s because I’ve got a lot of ground to cover and may paraphrase for the next several posts, I want to catch you up and that’s the easiest way to do it. However, I may revisit and update posts later to add some juicy details. Stay tuned…
I’m about a week late on this. A year and some odd days ago, I started The Boys I Encounter. First and foremost, thank you to all of my followers. You have liked and commented and supported my blog, and I am grateful you have been there every step and through my ups and downs. I know that sometimes I go weeks without posting and sometimes I post every day for several days straight. Very inconsistent, but that’s life.
A little over a year ago, I opened my blog with my Introduction and quick follow up to declare I’m Taking a Break from Boys. What sparked this urge to write a one year post was actually a boy I was just beginning to forget. This boy is Sexy Six Pack Boy, he re-added me on snapchat today and I realized it has been just over a year since I spoke to him and that he was the pivotal point in pushing me to my boy break and thus the starting point of The Boys I Encounter.
When I saw his name flash on my screen notifying that he added me as a friend, my heart skipped a beat. I knew from the start when I met him that he wasn’t Mr. Right, but Sexy Six Pack Boy, although this masculine sexual being that I met on Tinder, he was actually genuinely sweet. I am generally good at hiding my emotions and not opening up especially when I know there is no potential for more, but he broke me down, and I began to like him.
Maybe eventually I will write in detail that story, but for now, I will leave you wondering what actually happened. How long did we date? What was it about him that wasn’t perfect? Why did my emotional wall break for him? Why did it end?
Right now, although I liked him back then, if he snapped me or texted me, I don’t think I would go back to him. He already fucked that up and it’s too late. He pushed me into my break from boys and got me writing. So for that, I want to thank Sexy Six Pack Boy. Thank you for getting me expressing my views on sex and life and dating. Thank you for making me realize that it is ok to be completely single sometimes. Thank you for helping me break my emotional wall even if that made me vulnerable. Thank you for making me vulnerable and in turn, I am now stronger. Thank you for teaching me what I really want isn’t you and I shouldn’t settle for something that isn’t right for me. And thank you for adding me back on snapchat a year later so I can be strong enough to turn you down.
I don’t need any boys in my life, for the boys I choose to keep around, keep that in mind. You are a part of my life because I want you there. Even if we just met, even if we are just casual, even if we’re just fucking, even if we’re just talking and have yet to fuck… you are someone I want. You have something I desire. You are someone I like.
Once again, I don’t need any boys in my life, for the boys I decide not to see anymore, keep that in mind. If you hurt me, if I don’t want to see you, if we grow apart, if I tell you to fuck off… please leave me alone. I no longer want you. I no longer desire you. I no longer like you.
Through writing The Boys I Encounter for the past year, I have been able to use my blog as a point of reflection, a way to learn more about myself. I know I am not perfect. I know I go through phases of fucking and taking breaks and phases of writing and not writing. I know I open and close and reopen dating apps. I know what I want with sex and what I don’t want. I know I sometimes get in crazy situations, but I also know I can always walk away and have walked away even mid-fuck. I know that I love sex.
The biggest revelation I have found (maybe not associated with my writing, but still important) is that I am leaning more and more toward non-monogamy or polyamory. I don’t think I can be with one person for the rest of my life without the freedom to fuck whoever I please. I am realizing that I crave sex with various people. I am realizing I am good at understanding the difference between sex and intimacy and am capable of separating the two. I am realizing I want intimacy with someone who I can be this open sexual being with. I want someone who can accept me and my sexual needs. I want someone who doesn’t want me to change.
I want intimacy, sex, and freedom. I want to be unapologetically me.
Not long after Neighbor Boy fulfilled his duties for the first night of The Convenient Oral Agreement, he pushed negotiations on condom use, cum shots, and opened discussions for being exclusive fuck buddies…. Never have I ever heard any situation where fuck buddies are exclusive. Is this even possible?
Before you even ask, the answer is no, I don’t allow him to fuck me without a condom. That would be stupid. We are both fucking other people and in no way have become “exclusive fuck buddies.” But that being said, this conversation, along with a few similar conversations we have had since, got me thinking about terms of casual relationships.
Facials… really boys? And why do guys always push to fuck without condoms? Is it possible to fuck someone exclusively without being in a relationship? Or can fuck buddies be a “priority” for condomless sex? If two people agreed to be “exclusive fuck buddies,” how is that different from being in a monogamous relationship?
I recently reopened my OKC account… it has already been deleted because of the surplus of guys who open with “DTF” and “I have a 5 inch penis” (yes, someone opened by telling me they have a 5 inch dick). This one guy in particular though, we’ll call him Incredulous OKC Douche, was on the edge of meeting me and he fucked up.
I am all for casual sex. I enjoy it. Once he got my number, he started texting obsessively trying to meet up with me and about how he loves watching a sexy white chick suck his dick and how he likes calling women “nasty bitch.” Some chicks like that, personally I don’t. As soon as he told me that, I stopped him and said it’s obvious that our sex styles are different so it probably wouldn’t work. He then told me I’m flakey and that I am all talk.
I couldn’t help but laugh. He is trying to neg me into fucking him by calling me flakey, that shit doesn’t work with me. I know what I want and what I like; he just doesn’t have it. Because he kept trying to push that I was all talk and no play, I sent him a link to my blog and told him to read for himself. I never do that, but he kept insisting that he knew I was fake. The incredulous douche still doesn’t believe me, so I’m posting this blog. So this post is dedicated to you, Mike NYC. Do you still think I’m fake? The proof is in the pudding, too bad you’ll never get mine.
For dude’s out there, have class. Yes, you want to get fucked. Maybe the “DTF” and “Suck my dick” lines work for some chicks, but if you tried to be a bit more subtle and throw in some playful banter, a chick might respond better. You catch more flies with honey not vinegar. Have some fucking respect when you’re talking to a woman.
Oh you poor tactless boy, didn’t your mommy ever tell you if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?
I redownloaded Tinder July 7 and deleted it less than a week later on July 12. I had it for a few weeks last fall, and a couple days when I was in NYC in June. I may or may not download it again down the line, we’ll see. For now, there are still a few guys I gave my number to, but I’ve been out of town since last Friday.
One guy I have yet to meet, but am fairly excited about is Suburbia. I try to avoid any guys that live in the suburbs. It’s a pain in the ass enough to date someone on the opposite side of the city, let alone outside of the city. It’s basically long distance. But he’s been super sweet and is extremely cute.
Although I haven’t met him yet, I wanted to write about him already because he is treading foreign territory; he called me last night and we talked on the phone for nearly 4 hours. Who does that anymore? I mean, even after I start dating someone, it’s rare that I talk to them on the phone outside of making plans.
When he originally asked to call a few nights ago, it was bad timing. But last night, when he asked, I agreed, he then told me he would call when he got home from his friend’s house. There it was, a phone date planned. Although it wasn’t a real date, I was nervous, probably more so than usual for an actual date. I felt like a giddy school girl waiting for her crush to call. I wasn’t sure what to expect because we’ve never met and although we’ve been texting the entire week, we still didn’t know much about one another.
Once he called me, my nerves were at ease. He was just as sweet over the phone as he’s been via text. Sometimes phone conversations are awkward and if neither person has anything to talk about, why keep talking? With Suburbia, this wasn’t the case. The conversation flowed naturally and I completely lost track of time. Even when it approached 2am, he told me I could go to sleep if I needed, but I declined and we kept talking for another hour. If it wasn’t 3am or if I didn’t need to wake up at 8am, I’m sure we could have kept talking.
With online dating, social media, and texting, is a long phone conversation an extinct art? I’m glad he wanted to talk on the phone. It was definitely a refreshing twist to online dating. I still have to meet him in person, hopefully he can live up to the high bar he has set for himself.
I did a thing… I redownloaded tinder last Thursday and I already have a few stories for you. First, I will start off with Tinder Dick. After talking briefly with the generic “What’s up?” “What do you do for fun?” he changes the conversation drastically and asks, “So are you a naughty girl???”
I was about to write him off, but before I could send him a fuck you, he started sexting me. I went along. I messaged with him and told him all my kinks, sexted a bit, and took out my vibrator. He was getting me wet, so why not?
Well, at the end I thanked him for getting me off and told him we’d never fuck. #wastehistime2016
Moral of the story for the boys reading this, please stop sending messages like “DTF,” “Are you naughty?,” “I’d like to cum on your face,” and anything related to fucking before you even try to get to know the woman in question. A real man has class and will take a lady out before seeing her naughty side.
Since returning from NYC, I have seen Chase three times in a month. The pace has slowed down drastically. Before NYC, I saw him three times in a week and a half. I have a feeling it’s coming to an end. He seems more distant and not as responsive when we’re texting, however, this could just be a blip. The past month he’s been stressed trying to find a new apartment and almost didn’t get one on time so he was a bit preoccupied, which I completely understand.
I’ve been the one to initiate texting the past couple weeks, we’ve hung out some, but I can’t get a read on him. Like is his distance stress related or loss of interest related. So now I’m backing off and giving him space. If he’s still interested he will come around. I can’t waste my time trying if he’s not reciprocating. I will give it another two weeks before I completely write him off and if he texts me after that, we’ll see how I feel.
I think the main reason I feel the need to vent right now is because Chase does exactly what I hate when trying to make plans. He doesn’t give definitive answers. I will invite him to see a show or to a party and he will tell me something like “I have work, but we’ll see.” Generally, I read a “we’ll see” as a no, but he’s been a bit different. So far, it’s been fine; he will say “we’ll see” and then he usually comes through. He’s never not shown up when he says “maybe” or “we’ll see” and he follows up the day of if anything changes like if he’s running late.
I guess he’s an exception to the rule? But really, if I hear a “we’ll see” when a guy means no, I would rather hear a no. How difficult is it to be honest and give a yes or no? Or if you’re busy, just tell me that at the moment you’re busy moving or whatever is going on in your life and that you will contact me sometime next week or whenever it’s a better time and then actually follow through. Or if you’re no longer interested, instead of dragging shit out, just be an adult and say that you’re not interested. There is so much time wasted in dating by people that can’t clearly communicate what’s going on in their lives or be honest and tell someone when they lose interest. Fuck the term “We’ll see.” If people communicated better, dating would be easier for everyone.
Doodling your crushes name a million times is the childhood equivalent to facebook/social media stalking your crush. Think back to when you were a kid. I remember being in elementary school when I would write my crushes’ names with hearts and writing in my diary about them all the time. It was obsessive. What drives us to do this?
His name was Jeremy. I’ve known him since preschool. Suddenly, in 2nd grade, he was the only thing I could think about. My best friend Kelsey had also developed a crush on Jacob. We both thought it was serendipitous that our initials for our crushes and us matched so we both wrote just the first initials “K+J” in all our notes and hearts to be more secretive.
When I would spend the night at Kelsey’s, there were many hours spent just talking about Jeremy and Jacob while simultaneously doodling away “K+J 4Ever,””Mr. & Mrs. K + J,”etc. We would then stash these doodles and notes in a box that was put under her bed.
At Kelsey’s birthday party, all of the 2nd grade was invited to her place. There was a bouncy house, games to play, and a coloring table with both coloring books and scrap paper. Well I guess some of our doodles didn’t make it into the box because somehow a few of them ended up in the pile of scrap paper. This boy named Brandon found it, and because it was at Kelsey’s place, he announced that Kelsey has a crush on someone with the letter J.
I was relieved that he didn’t assume it was me, but Kelsey was mortified. We were still at the age where boys and girls thought it was gross if someone liked you, but at the same time we were all starting to slowly develop crushes.
I lived in a small town, so there were only about 30 kids in our grade. Surprisingly, though, there were four guys who had names that started with J. Jeremy, Jacob, James, and Joey. Although it was mortifying for Kelsey at the moment, nothing really came from it after that day. No one pried enough to figure out who she had a crush on and life went on.
Looking back at it though, if we were older, would the boys cared more to figure it out? Would it have worked in our advantage for our crushes to find out we liked them? At what point do you reveal to your crush that you like them?
I’m 27 now. Having a crush seems like a weird past time, but in reality, I get crushes all the time. I realize I have a crush (as in I like someone but nothing sexual/romantic has happened yet) on someone or that I actually have emotional feelings for someone I’m sleeping with when I start to pay attention to their Facebook. Not just in my news feed, but I will look them up and look at their photos and posts. The more I do this, the bigger the crush. I’ve recently wrote off boys emotionally, so suddenly, my social media use has dropped significantly. I’m not constantly checking my crushes’ statuses and recent photos. It is kind of a relief to stop thinking so much about boys.
However, during my break from boys, I’ve started to wonder if people should just be straight forward and let someone know that they like them. The worst that could happen is that they tell you they don’t have feelings back. On the flip side, they might feel the same way. I would save so much time and energy if I just asked out my crushes instead of waiting for them to possibly come to me. But then again, is that too forward? Why is it that women are to sit back and wait for the guys to chase them? Maybe once I’m done with my break, I will try to be more honest and forward instead of sitting back waiting for my crushes to chase me.
Just something I’ve been thinking about during this break.
You know it’s spring when the smell of semen fills the air. Lovers are out and about mingling, birds are chirping, and the terrible jizz scented blossoms of the Callery Pear trees bloom. The smell of sperm is absolutely nauseating and this is coming from a woman that loves sex and gives blow jobs on the regular.
In fact, I love giving blow jobs. I love oral sex in general. But there is no way in hell I will ever swallow, let alone let a guy cum in my mouth ever again. I will literally vomit. It’s already happened a few too many times. I did my due diligence by trying and it will never happen again. I’m a supertaster, I’m not necessarily a picky eater, but there are definitely things that will physically make me queazy and semen is one of them.
I’m not just trying to bitch about the taste of cum. I want to express how important it is to only do things that you are comfortable with. If you don’t like when a guy cums in your mouth or you don’t want to be felt up while making out with someone or if you don’t like a particular sex act, speak up. Say no. If the guy you are with can’t grasp the word no and keeps pushing the issue, he is obviously an asshole. Get the fuck out of there.
If there’s something he wants to try and you are willing to try it, go for it. If at any moment, you become uncomfortable, let him know that you want to stop. Once again, if he wants to keep going or keeps pushing it even when you tell him you want to stop, he’s a fucking asshole. Walk away from the situation, he isn’t worth it.
Only you get to decide what you do with your body and what you are comfortable with. Don’t let assholes try to change that. Do you.
Fuck the cum trees! They always ruin my love of long walks in the park.