Intimacy, Sex, and Freedom

~ kalliepygus

I’m about a week late on this. A year and some odd days ago, I started The Boys I Encounter. First and foremost, thank you to all of my followers. You have liked and commented and supported my blog, and I am grateful you have been there every step and through my ups and downs. I know that sometimes I go weeks without posting and sometimes I post every day for several days straight. Very inconsistent, but that’s life.

A little over a year ago, I opened my blog with my Introduction and quick follow up to declare I’m Taking a Break from Boys. What sparked this urge to write a one year post was actually a boy I was just beginning to forget. This boy is Sexy Six Pack Boy, he re-added me on snapchat today and I realized it has been just over a year since I spoke to him and that he was the pivotal point in pushing me to my boy break and thus the starting point of The Boys I Encounter.

When I saw his name flash on my screen notifying that he added me as a friend, my heart skipped a beat. I knew from the start when I met him that he wasn’t Mr. Right, but Sexy Six Pack Boy, although this masculine sexual being that I met on Tinder, he was actually genuinely sweet. I am generally good at hiding my emotions and not opening up especially when I know there is no potential for more, but he broke me down, and I began to like him.

Maybe eventually I will write in detail that story, but for now, I will leave you wondering what actually happened. How long did we date? What was it about him that wasn’t perfect? Why did my emotional wall break for him? Why did it end?

Right now, although I liked him back then, if he snapped me or texted me, I don’t think I would go back to him. He already fucked that up and it’s too late. He pushed me into my break from boys and got me writing. So for that, I want to thank Sexy Six Pack Boy. Thank you for getting me expressing my views on sex and life and dating. Thank you for making me realize that it is ok to be completely single sometimes. Thank you for helping me break my emotional wall even if that made me vulnerable. Thank you for making me vulnerable and in turn, I am now stronger. Thank you for teaching me what I really want isn’t you and I shouldn’t settle for something that isn’t right for me. And thank you for adding me back on snapchat a year later so I can be strong enough to turn you down.

I don’t need any boys in my life, for the boys I choose to keep around, keep that in mind. You are a part of my life because I want you there. Even if we just met, even if we are just casual, even if we’re just fucking, even if we’re just talking and have yet to fuck… you are someone I want. You have something I desire. You are someone I like.

Once again, I don’t need any boys in my life, for the boys I decide not to see anymore, keep that in mind. If you hurt me, if I don’t want to see you, if we grow apart, if I tell you to fuck off… please leave me alone. I no longer want you. I no longer desire you. I no longer like you.

Through writing The Boys I Encounter for the past year, I have been able to use my blog as a point of reflection, a way to learn more about myself. I know I am not perfect. I know I go through phases of fucking and taking breaks and phases of writing and not writing. I know I open and close and reopen dating apps. I know what I want with sex and what I don’t want. I know I sometimes get in crazy situations, but I also know I can always walk away and have walked away even mid-fuck. I know that I love sex.

The biggest revelation I have found (maybe not associated with my writing, but still important) is that I am leaning more and more toward non-monogamy or polyamory. I don’t think I can be with one person for the rest of my life without the freedom to fuck whoever I please. I am realizing that I crave sex with various people. I am realizing I am good at understanding the difference between sex and intimacy and am capable of separating the two. I am realizing I want intimacy with someone who I can be this open sexual being with. I want someone who can accept me and my sexual needs. I want someone who doesn’t want me to change.

I want intimacy, sex, and freedom. I want to be unapologetically me.

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A snap from me to you, my loyal readers. Thanks. 😉

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

31 thoughts on “Intimacy, Sex, and Freedom”

  2. Interesting post. I don’t intend to inflame, however whenever I read ‘im so over you, and you don’t deserve me’ rants, it strikes me that infact they have touched you in some way, and the writer hasn’t got past it really.
    Also I see several people post or say, ‘just let me be me’ as if it is a particular static personality or character; whereas I’d say many of us are fucked up and the last thing we are is stable enough to even characterise, let alone be that ‘me’ for any particular duration of time.
    Just my 2 cents.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. First of all, thanks for reading and commenting.

      He did touch me in some way, and I thanked him for that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be over him. And I never said I’m over him, but that I am strong enough to not need to let him back into my life. I think the most important takeaway for me with that is that there have been guys I have let come crawling back, and sexy six pack boy is someone very sweet who perhaps if I let him crawl back it wouldn’t be such a bad thing, but I have let guys who definitely aren’t good for me back into my life. I am trying to be better about walking away and not looking back. This particular moment from him adding me back on snapchat just inspired a rant about not letting guys back into my life who fucked up or who aren’t right for me, not just sexy six pack boy, but all the boys in general.

      And you’re right. People aren’t static and change over time. So maybe this post is only relevant for me right now or maybe it is something that will go with me till the end. I obviously know I have changed over the past several years. I reflect on it all the time. I think a lot of people want to be comfortable being 100% their real self with their partner(s), that’s all I’m getting at.

      Whether or not that person can fully accept me changing over time, that’s different. That’s part of life. I’m not sure if there is a forever person out there for me. I had a 6 year relationship and we both changed and grew to the point where we weren’t good for each other anymore and I accept that.

      Thanks for your 2 cents.

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  3. Appreciate your feedback also.
    While there’s many ‘pro’s’ to being a human, perhaps one of the ‘con’s’ is never being satisfied for an extended period of time. In a world full of abundance, the condition only appears to worsen.

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    1. I totally agree. Not only with dating, but life in general it seems like you can’t be satisfied with any one thing indefinitely and that this can be a con.

      But I also think with dating/love specifically, I think it’s good that we are realizing that it’s ok not to be with someone forever. There are times forever may work well, but others that means you’re either settling or suffering and you shouldn’t have to. So although not being satisfied can be a con, maybe it’s that it’s just not meant to be forever and that’s ok too.

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  4. This is a very good post. You are finally beginning to open up. I’m glad you aren’t really as ice-queenish and non-emotional as you might like us to think you are. I like it

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    1. Thanks Marty! And I’m not fully unemotional, but I do think I’m easily emotionally detached. However, there are a few boys that break that barrier. You are right though, I’ve been holding back some in my posts. A lot of the posts to come are actually going to be very emotional… a different side to me that I’ve hardly shown. So another spoiler alert you’ve uncovered, November-March have been a bit emotionally draining and I’m about to get you caught up to those moments.

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    1. We didn’t have enough in common; we had completely different lifestyles and interests. That, plus it seemed pretty obvious he was looking to settle and have kids faster than I was willing to do. I don’t expect perfection, I just know what I want and he just didn’t have it. I don’t hate men, I really enjoy men. I just won’t get into a relationship with someone unless I actually see a future with them.

      Further, I have had a few long term relationships, they had their ups and downs. I learned from those and know what does and doesn’t work for me in a relationship. I’m also not currently looking for a relationship and I don’t think that means I hate men. It just means I am comfortable being single.

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  7. I really enjoyed reading this. Its amazing a person can be a catalyst for great change,unfortunately I had beer gut guy ,not sexy six pack. guy,still very powerful thank you.

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  8. Love your blog! i am in a very similar situation, met a fuck boy on tinder who turned my life upside down both sexually and emotionally and helped me discover myself too. cant wait to get to the ‘turning him down’ point. great reading! xx

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    1. Thanks! Glad you like it and thanks for the follow. Fuck boys can definitely be fun especially if you’re just looking for casual fun, but knowing when to call it quits is important. Have fun and be safe 😘

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  9. I loved this article. Im actually working on a book about my tinder experiment. My goal is to have sex with 1,000 men I meet on tinder. So far I’m just at 73, so I have a lot of swiping to do to hit my goal. But I only have sex with men staying at hotels. This allows me to tell my friends the hotel and room number so I’m safe, or if I’m murdered then the guy will be caught.

    Also, I don’t want to sleep with 1,000 men who live in my city…I want to stay as an undercover slut until my book is released.

    Liked by 1 person

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      1. I appreciate your positivity. It is a risky experiment I’m attempting….so I have to be ready for something bad that may happen during one of these encounters. Maybe I’ll get lucky and all 1,000 of the men I sleep with will be perfect gentlemen. But that’s highly doubtful 😕

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Weirdly enough I have a man in my life whom I have a similar history with. He’s the reason I started my blog back in 2014 and he’s recently tried to come back into my life. I have jumped from being over him to not over him so many times, I have wrote so much about him and somehow I don’t think I’ll be able to stop that feeling I get in my heart and stomach when I hear about him or from him.
    I love your blog, I can relate to so much you write! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks! It’s hard sometimes to let go of someone. I feel that with a few boys. Even if it’s long done and over, I find myself thinking about them here and there, reflecting on what could have been. I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog! 🙂

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  13. Pingback: Spoiler Alert! Down to One. | The Boys I Encounter

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