Of course we meet again…

A a little over a month ago, my roommates’ band had a show. I try to go to every show I can, so my friend Jackie and I rushed there after dinner with another friend who was visiting from out of town. When we arrived, I told the door guy I didn’t have any cash for the cover but I would go to the ATM as soon as their band was over because they are my roommates and I absolutely needed to see them. He took my word and let me in. We made it to my roommates’ band’s last two songs, but regardless, we made it.

After their set, I asked one of my roommates to spot me $5 so I didn’t have to go down the street to get cash. He gave me a five and right as I got to the front door to pay the cover, Chase walked in. I haven’t seen him in almost a month and I gave up on him since his “Hopefully…” disappearing act. It was kind of awkward at first. I said hi and gave him a hug. Him and his friend Myles came and hung out with Jackie and I for several minutes to make small talk. Chase was kind of quiet, which is unusual for him. It was basically a conversation with the three of us (Jackie, Myles, and myself) with Chase on the sideline. The next band started. We kind of split up at that point.

The night continues, in between each band, most of the crowd would go to the back porch to cool off. When you’re in a space with 100 people on a hot summer night, fresh air is definitely necessary. Well while outside, my friends and I sat near the window, not long after we sat, Chase and Myles came out. They stood about 5 feet in front of us, but faced away from us. As my friends and I were talking, Chase kept turning towards me to make a funny face and I would make one back… This is something we would do when we were still consistently seeing each other.

The next band started. Everyone filed back to the stage. Once this band ended, everyone went back outside. It was already midnight and I had work the next morning. I said my goodbyes to my roommates and friends. As I hugged everyone, there was an instance I caught Chase looking my way. To not make things awkward, I went over and told him I had to head out, but we should hang out sometime soon and gave him a hug…. but his tone of voice when he said “Ok, bye” made it seem like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me anymore and I was fine with that.

A few nights later, I got a 2am text. It was Chase asking if I was awake.

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He came over. We fucked, but the sex was missing something. We both really weren’t into it anymore and it was apparent because of the lack of enthusiasm either of us had while fucking. I don’t even think either of us came that night. I haven’t seen or talked to Chase since. I’m sure I will run into him again at some show somewhere down the line being that he’s a musician. I don’t think I care anymore though.

That’s the thing, with Chase, we never really discussed what either of us were expecting. At first it seemed like it was headed towards a relationship, then when I came back from NYC he seemed more casual, but then things got weird because he got all in his head and disappeared.

Navigating sex and romance can be like going on a road trip with no map. You might have a destination in mind, but with pit stops, bumps, and sometimes wrong turns, you might not get there. If you have the right mindset, though, you can still make the trip fun along the way.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tell tale sign…

A few weeks ago, I got a text from Isaac, a guy who I haven’t seen in almost a year. This guy in particular is different than the guys I just fuck. He is the type of guy I would date, but when we first met, the timing was completely wrong. I was in a 6 year relationship that was plummeting. Isaac and I were mere acquaintances for a few months while I was still in my relationship. As soon as I became single, he swooped in to ask me out. More on the backstory later…

Fast forward to a few weeks ago… I got a text from Isaac asking if I still live at my loft because there’s a party (which happened last night) that he got invited to by a friend of his. I told him I still live there and he should definitely come. We texted back and forth, and he invited me to an exhibition he’s part of in a week.

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A week passed, I made an appearance at the exhibition. He was doing a performance piece where he was standing with his back to a wall completely still while making intense eye contact with the other performance artist. While they were making eye contact, two guys built a frame and put up drywall to trap Isaac between the two walls and eventually blocking Isaac’s gaze with the other performer. As I walked in and saw Isaac, I quietly approached but kept my distance. As soon as Isaac noticed me in his peripherals, he broke eye contact with the other artist and looked at me, then back at the other performer. Over the time I was there, he only broke his stare to look at me briefly, but from what I saw, he didn’t break it for anyone else. I had to leave before his performance was over. I shot him a text to tell him how bummed I was I couldn’t stay, but I had to get to my friend’s birthday party.

Fast forward to last night… Now it’s been a couple of weeks since his performance. He never texted me back after his performance. I knew when he originally texted a few weeks earlier, he had said he was coming to my loft for the party on September 9th, but I also haven’t heard from him so I was completely unsure if he was coming last night or not.

My friend Ana was in from NYC, so she came last night with some other friends and we all danced behind the bar drinking way too much as bands played and people flooded the space. I kept my phone in sight on a shelf behind the bar hoping that he would text or something saying he was coming. Every time my phone lit up I checked to see if it was him, but every time it was someone else. My roommates asking for help. Friends saying they were on their way. Even a text from Adam (There’s always a red flag…) inviting me to mimosas. No texts from Isaac.

It was a few hours into the party and no sight of Isaac. I had at this point given up on him coming at all, which was fine, I wasn’t sure if he was coming anyways. Josh (Ana’s boyfriend) and I went to go fill the water jugs for the bar, and when we were in the kitchen, I drunkenly spewed my disappointment in Isaac not coming. Josh grabbed one jug, brought it to the bar as I filled the second, then came to grab the second from me.

Well as we brought the water jug back to the bar, there he was. Isaac showed up after all. I walked up behind him and put my hand on his arm to get his attention. He turned and excitedly said hey and hugged me. We chatted briefly, I told him when he was done with his drink, the next one was on me. I went back to the bar and continued to dance with my girls and serve drinks.

Once that band ended, now between sets, the crowd dispersed to the rest of the space, back stairs, bathroom, and roof. Isaac came to the bar and we chatted some more. He asked me if I’m ever in his neighborhood. I told him not really. He then insisted I should come through sometime. I then told him he should give me a reason and maybe I would. His friends then came to the bar, he introduced me to them and he ordered a round of drinks. While we talked, he asked for me to come around to the other side of the bar so we could talk more. I looked at Ana and she gave me the nod that she was ok by herself behind the bar. I came to the other side. We all continued to chat, Isaac’s eyes on me the entire time even as his friends and I were talking.

Isaac’s friends asked how we met and how long ago. We both answered saying we met in college, but through a mutual friend. We both acted like we didn’t know the exact instance when we met. I said I think we met through Marcela. Isaac brought up a specific place which we ran into each other after we met; it was this place that he initially tried to ask me out before I broke up with my ex. During this conversation, he kept brushing his hand on my side and giving me this look like he wanted me. I told him that once the last band was done, I could give him a tour of the loft. Although he knew of the space even before I moved in over a year and a half ago, he still hasn’t been there before.

As the next band started and everyone came back to the bar, I needed to get back to helping Ana. Isaac stepped away from the bar and centered himself in front of the stage while his friends still sat at the bar. Ana pointed it out and said that he’s trying to play it cool by putting space between us. I didn’t care, it’s not like we could talk or anything while the music is going and people are lining up to order drinks. Not long before the band ended, Ana, Jackie, and Josh said their goodbyes and headed out.

The band ended. Isaac looked at me, but then him and his friends went up to the roof. I finished up what I was doing at the bar, got my roommate to cover for me, then went up to the roof to find Isaac. He was chatting with his friends. I walked up behind him and lightly grabbed his arm. He gave me a hug, we talked briefly, but then he went back to the conversation with the person to his left. I then started to talk with his roommate. He was asking about how it is working at the space, I then explained I live here and it’s an artist loft. I told him there’s eight bedrooms. He had the usual reaction and was impressed. Isaac overheard this and said quietly in my ear, maybe I could get a tour of your bedroom. I laughed, and agreed. Isaac then asked his friends if they were ready to see the rest of the space and asked if I could show them the recording studio.

I took them down and walked them through the space. Living room. Kitchen. Wood shop. Bathrooms. Gallery. Recording studio. Then as I pointed out the doors to the bedrooms, Isaac asked “And which one is yours.” I pointed down the hall, then led all four of them to my room. They were all in awe over the space. We all hung out in my room for a bit, but then his friends caught on. Isaac’s friends filed out one by one until it was just the two of us. He looked at me, pushed the door slightly so it was almost shut, then went in to kiss me. I wanted him bad at this point, I kissed him back passionately and as it heated up I pushed the door all the way shut.

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He then told me to slow down, and he wasn’t looking to shut the door. I laughed, but also felt a bit rejected. We then walked out to his friends. They asked what the plan was. I told them they were welcome to chill, there’s always after hours. They agreed and I made everyone some drinks and they smoked a joint. After the first round, I went to go to the bathroom. When I came back, they were getting ready to leave. Isaac’s roommate said that he definitely wants to come back sometime. I told them the next party is coming up in a week. Isaac gave me a hug and said he’d see me sometime soon.

I get that he probably didn’t stay because he had his friends and roommate with him, but I also felt confused by the end of the night. He kept building this tension by being flirty and brushing his hand up on me… but then that kiss was less than what I wanted and he left me hanging at the end.

Now I eagerly want to text him to let him know I’m glad he came by last night, but I also don’t want to come off desperate, but then again we have a history. It’s one of those tricky situations. Do I wait for him to come to me? Should I text him? I usually don’t care. I let guys come to me, but I have also been the one to text first a fair share of times and it hasn’t mattered. It’s 2016, a woman can text a guy if she wants. Why does dating have to be so complicated? I’m usually not one to stress about it, but with Isaac, because he’s not a guy I just want to fuck, my mind is flooded with all these questions and thoughts.

The tell tale sign of liking someone is when they are all you think about. Fuck.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus