Hopefully…

About a week ago, I posted We’ll see…, which was prompted by a text conversation I had that day with Chase inviting him to a party that Friday. Friday night came, and I still haven’t heard from Chase to see if he was definitely coming or what time to expect him at. I had a gut feeling he wasn’t coming, but I texted to confirm at around 11pm. He responded a couple minutes later with the dreaded message that he wasn’t going to make it.

I was already mentally prepared for this, I had a feeling he’s been slipping. As much as I wanted to tell him to fuck off, I decided to keep calm, so I sent him a light text saying “For sure. Another time ;)” I then went on with my night, hung out with friends, and enjoyed the party without Chase.

Last night I was supposed to hang out with one of the Tinder boys at 9pm, but he texted saying he had to stay late at work and wouldn’t get out of work until 10:30pm instead of 8pm. I told him that would be too late, so we postponed. As soon as those plans fell through, I had an evening free. I should have done something productive, like clean my room or write a blog post, but instead I texted Chase.

He said he was at work until 8pm, then playing basketball, but maybe after. And there was that word again, “maybe.” He’s always a “maybe” or “we’ll see.” I told him to text me when he’s done playing basketball. At around 10pm, he texted asking if I was still free. I told him yes. A few minutes later, he texted that he was out front, meaning he was already on his was when he texted to see if I was free. He came up, I made us drinks, we chatted a bit… Everything seemed totally fine. That is, until we went to my bedroom.

We kissed a bit, but I could tell something was off. He is usually very sexual and rubbing all over me, but last night he was going through the motions and hardly doing anything. We stopped and I asked him what was up. He said he wasn’t feeling well. I asked if I could get him anything. Then he explained that he didn’t feel sick, but he had something on his mind. I tried to get him to tell me, but he said he didn’t want to talk about it.

I was getting frustrated because I haven’t seen him in almost two weeks and on the day we hang out, he’s being extra distant. Then because I was getting frustrated, he was getting frustrated. The whole thing escalated and he ended up leaving. We didn’t really fight, per say, but there was definitely tension and I called him out for being a dick.

I texted him not long after he left.

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“Hopefully.” That was all he had to say in response. I don’t think I will hear from Chase again. I don’t know that I want to. As great as he seemed at the start, he showed how much of a downer he can be over the past 2 months. One thing that stood out to me when we were talking, before we had the argument even, was that he claims that he has a habit of self sabotage. Just like he admitted to being aware that he is an asshole before (see Spiralled Emotions), he is also aware that he is self sabotaging. Both seem at least partially intentional and he could probably stop if he wasn’t stubborn. Chase is extremely intelligent, charming, and very handsome. I really do hope he can get past his front of being a self sabotaging asshole, even if it’s not in time for me.

Hopefully…

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

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