Doodling and Stalking

Doodling your crushes name a million times is the childhood equivalent to facebook/social media stalking your crush. Think back to when you were a kid. I remember being in elementary school when I would write my crushes’ names with hearts and writing in my diary about them all the time. It was obsessive. What drives us to do this?

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His name was Jeremy. I’ve known him since preschool. Suddenly, in 2nd grade, he was the only thing I could think about. My best friend Kelsey had also developed a crush on Jacob. We both thought it was serendipitous that our initials for our crushes and us matched so we both wrote just the first initials “K+J” in all our notes and hearts to be more secretive.

When I would spend the night at Kelsey’s, there were many hours spent just talking about Jeremy and Jacob while simultaneously doodling away “K+J 4Ever,””Mr. & Mrs. K + J,”etc. We would then stash these doodles and notes in a box that was put under her bed.

At Kelsey’s birthday party, all of the 2nd grade was invited to her place. There was a bouncy house, games to play, and a coloring table with both coloring books and scrap paper. Well I guess some of our doodles didn’t make it into the box because somehow a few of them ended up in the pile of scrap paper. This boy named Brandon found it, and because it was at Kelsey’s place, he announced that Kelsey has a crush on someone with the letter J.

I was relieved that he didn’t assume it was me, but Kelsey was mortified. We were still at the age where boys and girls thought it was gross if someone liked you, but at the same time we were all starting to slowly develop crushes.

I lived in a small town, so there were only about 30 kids in our grade. Surprisingly, though, there were four guys who had names that started with J. Jeremy, Jacob, James, and Joey. Although it was mortifying for Kelsey at the moment, nothing really came from it after that day. No one pried enough to figure out who she had a crush on and life went on.

Looking back at it though, if we were older, would the boys cared more to figure it out? Would it have worked in our advantage for our crushes to find out we liked them? At what point do you reveal to your crush that you like them?

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I’m 27 now. Having a crush seems like a weird past time, but in reality, I get crushes all the time. I realize I have a crush (as in I like someone but nothing sexual/romantic has happened yet) on someone or that I actually have emotional feelings for someone I’m sleeping with when I start to pay attention to their Facebook. Not just in my news feed, but I will look them up and look at their photos and posts. The more I do this, the bigger the crush. I’ve recently wrote off boys emotionally, so suddenly, my social media use has dropped significantly. I’m not constantly checking my crushes’ statuses and recent photos. It is kind of a relief to stop thinking so much about boys.

However, during my break from boys, I’ve started to wonder if people should just be straight forward and let someone know that they like them. The worst that could happen is that they tell you they don’t have feelings back. On the flip side, they might feel the same way. I would save so much time and energy if I just asked out my crushes instead of waiting for them to possibly come to me. But then again, is that too forward? Why is it that women are to sit back and wait for the guys to chase them? Maybe once I’m done with my break, I will try to be more honest and forward instead of sitting back waiting for my crushes to chase me.

Just something I’ve been thinking about during this break.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

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